Focus on Forgiveness

Who hasn't had their toes stepped on. I know I have. What about a little more than that? Anyone have their heart broken, been lied to, betrayed? Those are all wounds that most of us have suffered at one point or another and so I'm sure we're all aware of how slowly they heal. Take a moment to think about why your hurts are healing up slowly. Is that something that can be fixed? Now there's a place to start! Forgiveness. Sometimes it means forgiving over and over again.

Anyone with children who takes a moment to watch them play can see how easily their feelings get hurt. (There is a reason parents, of all the hats they wear, moderator and referee is one of them). Have you ever witnessed what happens to the offended child once an apology is offered though? In my house, and in most cases, they once again become fast friends without a second thought to the hurt they had moments before felt. Wow! We really can learn a something from a child after all – if only they could tell us how they do it. Let's see, I'll ask … ok, apparently it's not easy for them either.

My six year old said that she forgives but that it isn't really easy she just does it because it's the only thing she can do. My four year old said that she forgives because of her heart (how precious) but she said that she still remembers. It works the same for us as adults when it comes to offenses and forgiveness. Something happens it's hard to forgive but we do because that is the right thing.

I have heard so many people quote “forgiven but not forgotten” or heard the instruction, “forgive but don't forget”. How unfortunate to hold fast to that as a rule. Those quotes wouldn't work in a marriage. I have heard a good one about forgiveness and marriage: “a good marriage is the union of two good forgivers”. Now there's one I like. If you can forget whatever is needing forgiveness, by all means LET IT GO. Why in the world hold on to something so it can hurt over and over again? Or worse to say you've forgiven but then continually hold whatever offense against the offender – is that any way to forgive? Not really.

True forgiveness isn't truly offered if you don't honestly try to forget it and it certainly isn't given if you still hold it against a person. God knows your heart, if you say you forgive but hold the bitterness of it in your heart still, he knows it's not the real thing. The best thing to do for yourself is to find a way to forgive. I have so struggled with this one! Guilty but redeemed – learning is occurring here, praise the Lord for with it comes peace. How beautiful and priceless peace can be.

Something to think about, is not only have we all been hurt, but we have all inadvertently hurt someone else at some point in our lives also. Not one of us is without sin. When it comes to forgiveness (and judging) the Bible does say this: “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” Luke 6:37-38 ESV. It sounds like forgiveness is not only something we give to someone else but a gift we can give ourselves also.

There are times though when, despite as hard as we try, as hard as we wish and as hard as we pray we are simply unable to bleat it out from our memories. In those moments if we've extended forgiveness, we get to practice the act of continual forgiveness. That means every time we are reminded, once again we must forgive it to move past it. Let me tell you, that is one hard thing to do! (But I'm sure I don't need to tell you that right).

May God bless you as you try to forgive all of the past hurts that have stuck with you and may the good Lord bless you as you try to forget those things as well so that you can lighten your load and not carry that around with you any longer. Turn to God and let him heal you as only he can. Let God carry the pain you may hold, tell him about it and then when it strikes out like a snake – pray for God to cast it away from you. Refuse to think about it. Do not entertain any thoughts on it (that's called a rabbit hole) – instead remind yourself you have forgiven, and forgive again and again, as many times necessary. It's not always easy, but most things that require effort are usually worth the effort they require.

Just a side note: In no way am I referring to forgiveness when it comes to an abuse or your own physical safety. I firmly believe if you find yourself in any sort of abusive situation that you find help to get yourself to safety. Safety first always!

Being A Blessing

Photo Property of C.K. Nelson not to be reproduced or copied

Being a Blessing

This past weekend I had the pleasure of being able to spend some time with, and visit my Grandparents. Our girls ran around the spacious country plot and did what I did there as a child, roll in laughter and make up adventures. It was amazing for me to watch a wonderful new memory being made while an old one was being recalled. Oh, how I loved my summers there.

As we were about to leave I noticed how there was four generations, right there, on that very porch. How blessed are we. Some friends of mine are already starting to lose parents to death, and here, we had not only our parents there, but our grandparents with us too. What a true gift from the Lord that most seem to take for granted.

I began to think about getting older, something most of us don't think too much on – understandably, what fun is there in that. I also thought about the role of parents and children and how they relate to the passing of time and growing in years.

My husband, often times, has joked with our children asking, “When I get older since I changed your diaper, are you gonna change mine?”. If you haven't guessed, his type of humor is the off the wall kind, and that's just what that question is, his humor coming out to play. That comment is a joke that leaves him laughing because the girls will then cringe and squeal at the thought of a poopy diaper. That's right. I said poop. Before parenthood it's a word seldom used, but as a parent it's in as frequent use, as air.

Here is the surprising part, not my husband actually asking this, after cringing about poop, the girls with all the love in their hearts say, “Don't worry Daddy. When you and Mommy are old we will take care of you, even if we have to change your diapers.” Let me just say, I love their blessed little four and six year old hearts! Here he was trying to pull their leg and they used that as an opportunity to show true love is as wide as it is deep as it it is tall.

I wanted to know, how many adults would show that same love to their aging parents? The answer, a surprising 20 million , which is over 80 percent of care, is provided by families, as seen here: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/life_transitions/caring_for_ill_or_aging_parents.aspx. Wow! Keep up the good work for those who are already helping and for those who aren't let's change that!

Helping parents out as routine things become more complicated like mowing the yard, power washing the house, weeding the garden is something all family members should start to take on as these things no longer appear to be a luxury of capability for parents, yet they maintain the responsibility of accomplishing. Let us find ways to be a blessing to our parents.

Our parents have done their best to show us love, to provide for us and to help us. (This is care work: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Care_work). As our parents age it IS our turn to show them love, and in ways to provide for and to help them. The love, support and help need not be equivalent to what they have given because it's not an exchange system. It is an expression of love, one that should be just as tall as it is wide as it is deep. Although it is not an exchange system, something worth noting is that our children WILL SEE how we treat our parents and care for them as they begin to depend upon us, and our response to our parents and what we do is how we will be teaching our children in turn, to treat us – let's be a good example and let us follow the direction given in the Bible:

1 Timothy 5:4 “...Children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God.” http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Timothy+5%3A4&version=NIV . Pretty clear right? Now that we know, the next step is A-C-T-I-O-N.

I would love to hear back from you and hear about how your actions are blessing family members older than you.

Has this post in any way inspired you to helping out more? In what ways?

May God bless you as you bless others.